Interview with the “Shattered” Podcast
[UPDATE: This interview was completed before I entered a new industry that I am starting to pick up traction in and as a result, I messaged Dee and asked that they remove this interview from YouTube. I was wearing a hat and mask that covered my face, but it would have been easy to tell it was me if anyone I knew was curious. I left the audio-only interview I completed here if anyone is interested in hearing that.]
I was recently interviewed by Dee Elias of Bail Me Out Productions for the “Shattered” Podcast. Dee was a bounty hunter for over 25 years and logged over 650 career arrests. One of her highest profile cases was one in which she chased a modern day version of Bonnie and Clyde across the country. She, along with FBI and local law enforcement, trapped the suspects down in Welch, Oklahoma and ended up gunning them down! Pretty crazy story and for those that are interested in reading about it, here is a link to the article on it.
Dee has since then retired from bounty hunting and today she produces a couple of true crime and drug addiction and recovery podcasts. One is “Daily Living” and other is the one that I was on, the “Shattered Podcast.”
Since starting this blog, I have now been contacted twice by news reporters wanting to do a story on my blog. However, they both wanted to me to reveal my real name and show my face and there’s no way I am doing that. A couple of readers of my blog were kind enough to reach out to me and let me know that they were able to identify my name from the information I disclosed in my posts. I have since then altered some sentences and phrases on the site to make this not so easy to do. Not that it’s a huge mystery or anything, but I really don’t want people and future prospective employers to be able to Google my real name and have this blog show up as the top result, lol.
Dee was cool with my staying anonymous and wearing a face cover for our interview. It felt strange, but I think it’s a nice addition to the blog. I knew from watching Dee’s other podcasts what type of questions to expect and preparing for this talk forced me to re-visit my past decisions in full and be able to summarize not only what happened, but insight into why I think it happened. It’s harder than I thought it would be. With blogging, I can write, review, edit, and delete my words to try and create a nice and polished post. With interviews; its one and done. I have a lot more respect now for people that can accurately and eloquently convey their points in an interview format. Shits harder than it looks.
For those that have read all of the posts on my blog, you will not hear anything new in this interview. It’s mostly a quick run through of my story as I had to try and fit in what I could within the hour long segment. Much of what I blog about is obviously omitted. Being that the theme of her podcast is a True Crime/Addiction/Recovery theme, I gravitated towards the criminal and drug elements involved with my past. It felt kind of strange to just sit there with someone and casually discuss the biggest fuck ups and craziest years of my life so matter-of-factly. My primary goal with this blog is to just vent all of this shit and get it out so that some kind of inner peace can be obtained, thus allowing me to move on with my life. Each day things still seem to get easier, but I would be lying if I said that I am over what I did. So many constant and daily reminders of this major life fuck up, but as I said it is slowly, but surely, getting easier. Here is the full interview:
For those interested in more of Dee’s podcast episodes, you can visit her site at www.bailmeoutproductions.com. Both Dee and her staff were very nice and fun to work with. This was a completely foreign experience to me, but I enjoyed it immensely! Thanks again Dee!
Hello my friend – How long has it taken you after getting sober to start feeling normal or to were you where before you started using meth? Meaning mentally and emotionally. Do you feel you’ve fully recovered mentally or do you still feel some side affects etc? If you get a chance to response. I’d really appreciate your time.
Regards
MaxT
Yo man,
In all honesty, it probably took about a month to normalize physically from long term meth addiction. A benefit of meth in general is that your body does not become as physically addicted to is as opiates (which I have also withdrawn from after long term usage.) With opiates, the come down and withdrawals were not only mentally taxing, but physically taxing. Serious depression type shit with opiates. With meth, the mental connection was the harder battle. Your body and mind get so used to tweaker time and long spats of dopamine shooting off in your brain. You become somewhat lazy and apathetic to life in general. Meth becomes your hobby, your job, your stressful relief, and your overall cure for boredom. Each meth addict has to search within themselves to try and replace meth addiction with long term, sustainable and healthier activities. A daily exercise routine for me is an absolute must. Also this blog, Reddit, and work have been taking up my time and steering me away from making worse decisions.
I feel that I have physically recovered from the drug, but its all the terrible mistakes and decisions I made while I was high that are hard to get over. My life is on a completely different path than it was before this drug and dealing with that shit is not easy.
I am not sure how long you have been fighting this battle, but I can tell you that the fight is worth it. Don’t give up. Keep trying. And when you relapse, don’t beat yourself up about it, but also don’t take it lightly. It’s OK to relapse as long as you get back on the sober train as quickly as possible. Recovery from meth is not easy and I honestly do not think I could have done it without being locked up for the 6 months, but I do know of others that were able to do it without incarceration. It is definitely possible and doable and you must keep hope alive. Feel free to email me and I will be happy to talk more with you.
Hey there Alphatweaker… man I just wanna say i’m a 21 year old dude from Canada and I am so happy I ended up somehow coming across your blog.
So many aspects of your story and life in general and battle with addiction mimic mine and what I feel and certain things i’ve been through and i’ve tried to get clean but always came back because I never wanted to do it for me I felt, moreso for someone else.
I find it very hard never having someone to talk to who has been through similar things in life who can possibly give me some insight, Some sort of help, or even just someone who remotely understands me.
I’ve read every one of your blog posts after happening upon them earlier today and it’s so refreshing to hear how deep you were in this battle and how you came out on the other side and are able to live life like a normal person and get back right back into it
This has really made me question my choices and want to kick this habit. I’d love to chat if you’re ever free homie, be it via skype or e-mail man it don’t matter your story just resonates so hard with me it’s insane. I just need someone to talk to man and I find it hard to believe there is someone on earth I can relate to more
It’s funny because I always tend to think of myself as “smarter than other drug addicts” Or “I still have control” because I have a loving, well off, Christian, white collar family with such supportive parents and I was raised well and I still have a job and am in college bla bla I know you know the drill..
But man I just got into meth a couple months ago unfortunately after being on adderall for a couple years and i’m now seeing the hold this drug has and the evil it is and how much it takes and takes until you have nothing left and I keep telling myself excuses to do it or reasons to go back to it
Anyways I could go on forever man but let me know if you ever get a free moment help a brother out.
Best of luck with Recovery bro and thanks again for taking the time just to write all this down for people like me to read it gives me hope for a sober future as well. –
Tobias M
I got you bro. Sent you a message.
I’m in recovery and find that sharing these chaotic beautiful shenanigans that geniuses get into with others that are equally as hyperactive and good at what they do, is the best. It technically should be a trigger, but when u hear diverse stories of elaborate heist moves that one up your own, I think It helps us remember how lucky we are to be typing this. We are very similar in the fish god schemes. Jax ,Fl. Garage SLAP house, retail fun and shard barbies. Wish there were more ways to meet alphas
I honestly don’t even know where to start with what I want to say. Ummm.. Here goes. I just finished reading your blog bottom to top. It was linked in a far down in a comment of a comment in idk which sub on reddit Past night, but I haven’t left since (I have 3 kids 10 and under so just been reading whenever I can and hoping Apollo wouldn’t refresh on me.. unusually enough it hasn’t). What a wild ride you have been on, and how gracious of you to share it all with us. It’s been pretty surreal getting your perspective.. and you’re such a good writer that it’s been easy to empathize. Drugs have touched my life in one way or another since I’ve been alive, whether close family or friends or myself. I didn’t touch any of the hard stuff until around my 27th bday, I had known so many people who fucked up their lives or killed themselves with one thing or another by then that I hadn’t ever done more than smoke weed and drink. LUCKILY, I haven’t developed a serious problem with anything else but I have had some big ol binges the last several years that could have killed me. I recently watched my closest friend spiral out of control on meth.. she went from so responsible and put together, someone I looked up to, to full blown psychosis/Losing custody of her kid/grand theft auto and jail time. It was like watching a dead person walkin’ and no amount of love or rationalizing helped and slowly I became “one of them” and she wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone because she thought I was in on some grand scheme to ruin her life and get her to kill herself. It was devastating. Her 5mo long jail stint sobered her up and so far she’s still doing really really good and seems back to herself again. Couple months before she landed in jail my fam and I moved to the other side of the country To be closer to spouses’ fam.. and wouldn’t you know it we moved right next door to a 24 y/o raging heroin addict who I had become close to since I don’t know anyone here. She’s on court ordered sobriety/suboxone therapy now but fucking A i watched her like a train wreck too until then. She can’t wait to be done with her court orders Though cuz she’s “just trying to get high again” so that’s a gut punch. I like her sober that’s for sure. Anyways.. I could go on and on and I’m not sure even why I’ve written this much already, just that your blog has had my interest till I finished the whole thing and it’s really resonated with me. Keep fighting the good fight.. your story is like my worst nightmare for one of my kids. My oldest is in middle school and I can only hope that I’ve taught him and will continue to teach him and his brothers well enough that they skiiiiiip out on this shit. But like you, and my boys, I was raised by a decent set of parents in a fairly stable home life not gettin in trouble minding my own business and it just… finds you. It’s everywhere. Thanks for reading and thanks again for sharing.
Hello, I find your blog very interesting, helpful and informative. Keep up the good work and I look forward to more content from you in the future. One question I can think of right now is what made the guy come back to the condo and knock on the door, what tipped him off that something suspicious was up. Also, I’m glad to hear you are on a positive road now and are doing better, take care.